The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize