How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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