I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
