How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
