tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
