alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize