And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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