Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
