Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
