All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
