he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
