I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
