carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
