he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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