someone owes me an orgasm
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
