wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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