i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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