Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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