My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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