Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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