how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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