Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
