we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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