Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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