I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
