Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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