:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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