I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
