my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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