party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
