You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
