He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
