actually, I'm a sock model
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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