with your own penis?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
ttyl tear gas
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
