$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
