Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
