Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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