matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
