I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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