Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
