Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
