So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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