this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
