I think i sorta joined a cult last night
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
