he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
