woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
