beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
