there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
