i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
