Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
