literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
