i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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