OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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