My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
