I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
