How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Randomize
