And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
