here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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