I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't notice because vodka
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
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