i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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