you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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